Background

This project in particular was rooted in our desire to annoy our physics teacher. The extent of his knowledge was a few optics formulas; not what is expected from a private high school. For our quarterly project, he gave us an option: write a two page essay which he even said would probably only take 20 minutes, or create a presentation using visual aids and examples that had to take up an entire class period. It was blatantly obvious based on his attitude and the choices that he did not want someone to opt for the later choice.... So naturally, Handley and Chadwick, who were less than pleased with this teacher's performance over the year, decided to go with the presentation, much to Mr. Incompetence's dismay.

Initially we considered teaching the class about the physics and mechanics involved in an explosion, but for some reason we decided that teaching why an explosion happens and how to make one out of readily available materials was not the best of ideas, particularly in a school. Then we thought about teaching why a car looses traction in various conditions and how to do nifty tricks, but the visual aids would require some quasi-legal maneuvers in front of the school. We finally decided to start a totally new project based on electrical arcing and the path of least resistance. One day Handley was searching the net and came across someone's high voltage website. On this page it commented briefly about a cool contraption known as a 'Jacob's Ladder'. It used a high voltage transformer to generate a generous bolt of lighting that travels up two rods. We concluded that the 'horrific and painful death' factor was negligible, and began the process of constructing Dr. J.

Acquisition of Parts

Thus the search began. Inspired by stories of finding lasers and other cool things, we set out for one of the local dumps with 'ADHD Child'. This place was looking promising: on the side wall of the main dump building was a vast array of broken and totally unusable electronic appliances. We made a blitzkrieg style charge at the pile and started picking through the electronics trying to find a suitable transformer. We finally discovering a photo copier with a small transformer which barely fit our needs, but would work. We took out what tools we had and started taking the machine apart.

Why Canon gave this photocopier the ability to survive the apocalypse is beyond me. After we could no longer find any screws to take off, we grew desperate. When something doesn't work the first time, my theory is that brute force is the answer. Lacking a hammer, ostrich leg, or other blunt object, ADHD Child and I grabbed opposing sides, crouched down, and jumped up as hard as we could and launched that thing through the air on a parabolic path of height induced suicide. This is at a public dump; needless to say, we would not have attracted more attention if we had been decked out in hooker ensembles. This 20 pound photocopier went about 15 feet up and fell to the ground some 10 feet away. The demon copier, shedding no more than a few pieces, was still very much alive. It was at this point that we had to go back so as not to be late for class. We abandoned our method here, and put the photocopier back after another toss for good luck. As we were departing we heard the footsteps of either a very angry strong man or a charging obese woman behind us. We turned around, fearing for our lives, not knowing what to expect. We see, on an intercept course, the stereotypical dump attendee: knee high boots, torn oil stained overalls, plaid sweater, and a raccoon skin hat to top it all off. This is how our interaction proceeded:

Dump guy *forcefully*: Hey kids, whaddya think yer doin'.

Us *defensively*: We're looking for a part we need, it is not here so we are leaving.

Dump guy *giving us the queer eye*: Well we can't have no vandalism.

Us *aggressively*: No sir, no vandalism.

Random dump guy *proudly*: Good. That's the BIG MONEY pile.

This man was deadly serious about protecting his trash. He can see the wreckage from our path of destruction and thus was in hot pursuit until we were off the property. Following our defeat, we phoned around and used our trademark "We're looking for donations for a physics project"© line. We quickly found a 15,000 volt transformer that a company was willing to donate to our cause. Handley picked it up and we went and collected the remaining supplies that would be needed.

Construction

Upon returning to the main base of operations, Chadwick's yurt, we started researching how we were to wire up a device of such power without destroying everything within a radius of twenty goats. I'll detail what would happen if you touched something containing 15,000 volts. First you would get a 3rd degree burn where you touched it. Next, your heart would stop, quickly followed by your eyes exploding. If you continued to touch it you would slowly boil/burn away as your muscles spasm on the floor. This doesnt quite come close to my ideal death, which would involve a de-orbitting satellite and a poorly placed wedge of cheese.

When we finally thought we had everything wired up correctly, we decided to do a test and plugged her into the wall. First thing we noticed was the noise: a resounding nothing. Next we were to get a harsh reminder that Murphy was lingering about, watching. With a quick electrical pop, everything went to hell. Everything that ran on electricity shut off. The computers, water heater, furnace, network hub, television, lights, phones... the works. If the Soviets had invaded at that exact moment, we would have been sitting ducks. This was bad news and required an immediate fix of this vulnerability.

Problem One: No power

Problem Two: No lighting

After 5 minutes of stumbling around trying to find a flashlight, Chadwick remembered he had a lighter in his pocket. So obviously the solution was to light a wad of paper on fire to use as a torch. Using this we located a flashlight. Problem two solved.

Problem Three: Room now smells of smoke

After about twenty minutes, we finally found the circuit reset panel and reset the circuit we overloaded, restoring power and ensuring no red faction would be taking over today. Problem one solved.

Getting back to work, we discovered the problem: we had wired the two input wires incorrectly. Stupid mistake. After quickly fixing the problem, we cautiously plugged her in for a second time, and alas, a slight buzz was heard. We took this as a good sign.

Next step was the fashioning the rods, a surprisingly more difficult task than we had originally thought. We went all out with 1/4 inch tempered steel rods. These things were STRONG. We clamped them in a vice and it still took the both of us to bend them to the proper angle. Once this was done we made a wood support structure to keep the rods pointed in the right direction. Lastly, we made two leads onto the rods with which to attach the voltage output wires.

While our methods are usually safe, we sometimes are so anxious that the idea of a safe test assembly gets thrown out; this was one such case. For testing, we took a plastic chair and duct taped the assembly onto it to keep it up. Ghetto^Nth. We wired it up, stood back, and prepared for the worst. Adrenaline was high. The stakes were high. We plugged her in.

CRACK - a bolt of lightning ripped across the rods at the bottom and began its trek up the machine, bursting away at the top some five seconds later, only to reform again at the bottom to repeat the process. Seeing something you created work so perfectly is awesome. After the initial bolt, we just stared at it for a glorious five minutes, until we both started getting headaches from the displaced electricity. Some people smoke victory cigars. Some people shoot guns into the air. We eat. Our victory food consisted of a Pepperidge Farm cake (delicious) and Munchies. Testing started fast due to the awesomeness of our creation. Here is what we have found thus far:

The solder effect - Wrapping solder around the rod near the top and branching it close to (but not touching) the opposing rod creates quite a spiffy effect. The path of least resistance is through the solder at the top, so this is where the lightning bolt originates. As can be expected, this bolt of electricity is VERY hot. As it conducts electricity, it melts the solder, which drops down the center of the two rods. The cool part about this is that when it does so, the path of least resistance is the falling solder, so it conducts the electricity the whole way down. When the solder hits the bottom, the electricity starts working on the solder up top again. It melts away the solder until there is nothing left. Very cool.

The paper effect - We taped a piece of paper onto the chair in such a way that it would hang in between the two rods. This created quite a view. As the electricity traveled up the rods, it hit the paper, setting the lower edge on fire. The electricity kept going up and was passing directly through. It burnt a big black line where it had burnt through, splitting the paper in half.

The thin wire effect - Attaching thin wire to one of the rods and arranging it similar to the solder has quite a cool effect: it vaporizes the wire. As the electricity passes through, the wire completely overloads and evaporates in an eruption of sparks and light that progresses until there is nothing left. Quite spiffy.

The plastic effect - We arranged a piece of plastic in the same way that we arranged the paper: so that it would come in between the rods. This made a cool effect when the electric bolt got there, it kept the middle of the arc down at where the plastic was, but the sides on the rods went up, creating a bowed bolt of electricity that sort of danced along the sides of the plastic.

The steel wool effect - This was quite possibly the coolest thing ever, easily topping the dog that decided to come piss on my sand castle at the beach. We took a piece of steel wool and attached it to one of the rods. Since steel wool is an array of thin wires with fabric combined, it produced the thin wire effect, but because there are so many of the wires, the electric bolt flashed back and forth all over the place. Not only was the electricity going everywhere, but it was such a wide bolt that it evaporated the wire and lit the wool on fire as well. So in the end, pieces of flaming wool, sparks, and green flames were erupting all over the place off of the steel wool. It was amazing.

The stoner's best friend - Probably the niftiest aspect of this machine is that the bolt of electricity ionizes the air that it goes through, creating ozone (O3), effectively removing all smell from the room. This thing was proving to be way cooler than we had ever expected. Problem three solved.

We finalized the machine by building a very spiffy case for it, using the standard white oak case and Lexan shield. We were ready, so we transported our machine of death to school.
Mr. Incompetence sat back and didn't even watch us do the presentation; we suspect he was watching pornography on his computer. Everyone else in the class thought it was the coolest thing ever, which was gut. The greatest part: lighting an absolutely massive ball of steel wool on fire... in the middle of the school building. The whole room quickly smelled like a spontaneously combusted sheep; nothing the Stoner's Best Friend couldn't take care of. Running the machine for 2 minutes filtered the entire room of the smell.

To this day we are accident free with this machine and we learned two valuable lessons:

1) Always have a flashlight handy when dealing with electricity.

2) Teachers who have already been fired don't care what you do. Mr. Incompetence, what an asshat.

UPDATE:
Handley's father has murdered the Jacob's Ladder, affectionately known as Dr. J. May she rest in peace at the junkyard. As a result, we are hereby announcing the development of Dr. J Mk. II, essentially making the original Dr. J pi times better. This should be interesting.